Posted in life

Torn apart

A few days back it was all one…
The body , the soul, the head , the heart…

Today it stands all torn apart.

The body moved on, the soul stayed behind

The heart is left back , the head lost its mind… 

The agony of tearing apart, impacted every part

The head grew heavy, weaker grew the heart

The body tired with sleepless nights…

The soul still suffering with the self created plight…

Each part on its own today….

Lost for a meaning, curious for the future…

Hoping that …..Someday it all could be one again.

Just like it was…Before it was torn apart.

Posted in life

Joining the dots….

I am suddenly in a new phase of life, subjected to new changes. The moment I got some time for myself , I began introspecting over my past.

I tried to see a connection between events of the past. I tried joining them like dots hoping to figure out a pattern. A pattern which would probably help me predict my future. In math it would be something like extrapolation.

One dot led to another and then another, to form a pattern. But each pattern seemed to look unique. None did seem to repeat. So none could be applied to find my future.

Why am I so obsessed with the future, I asked myself ?

If I knew what was to be , could I even call it the future?

From when did I become so wise to know how my future ought to be? I don’t even know if I’ll survive this night 😁.

As a normal practice of mine, I googled for some ‘joining the dots’ quotes and I found one …….By Steve Jobs.

Don’t know about destiny, life, karma or whatever…….But I do know a God, in whom I better rest my future….my dots.

I guess I need to trust that He would place the dots exactly where they’re meant to be. And finally when all the dots get joined, I’ll see the best pattern, something beyond my expectations.

All I need is to trust and let the dots be ……………………………………………………😁

Posted in life, Random thoughts

Observations> views>beliefs

There is this group of liquids that I have right from childhood associated with something evil. I don’t exactly know the genesis of this association, but till date it’s stuck in my mind. 

Over the years I have watched, I have observed, I have reasoned and I have concluded that although my views may be very conservative ……I have reasons to still hold to them.

It’s very simple ………..when you have a bad experience in life, everything related to it gets associated with the bad memory. 

I observed some of my own relatives (man and women) on a drunkard binge, feeling high and happy about their intoxicated state, while on the other side the concerned mother stood helpless and the wife cursed her fate and cried. The worst was the little kids, who watched it all ……learnt and understood the power of a drink. My relatives as humans were not bad  …….but it all started with one drink.

My mother narrated her experiences in the hospital attending to patients suffering from liver cirrhosis. Tied to the bed, in a state of withdrawal the patients would yearn for their drink and fire abuses to their helpless family. None of the patients would want to be in such a state………But it all started with one drink.

A father asking his preadolescent son to carry his glass of liquor ………that according to me is disrespecting the child. Parents love their children ………..but they can keep them aside for just one drink.

I was shocked to find a group of my own teenage students in a bar one day, smoking and drinking royally. I confronted them , thinking they would be ashamed…….They didn’t bat an eyelid. I didn’t notice a trace of shame anywhere on their being. Probably they learnt it all at home. Looking at them assured me that the doom of our society was near. They were no longer kids, they had grown into proud immatured adult ……….It must have all started with one drink.

It all starts with a drink…..

One sip…….

At a party, at a function, at home….at a bar, at college……. Wherever.

The drink has many sides to it. To many who earn their bread and butter from its sale, it is nothing less than a blessing. To some it is an integral part of their celebration life. But for many it spells a doom……a curse. And unfortunately for me I have seen more of the last side. My experiences have ended up shaping my views. And my views have shaped my beliefs. 

And my belief are here to stay. I hope that over the years things change, and people stop associating the drink with something bad.

Posted in life

Terrific Traffic 😎

I guess my blog is become my shadow…..

What does a shadow do? Well it follows you……It copies you.

I have changed my work place ……as a result I had to change my driving route

An additional 20 kms more through heavy traffic and signals


So, I am off blogging for 2 days and on the 3rd day I get a notification ……a new one…..a first of its kind……

Boom!!!!!! Traffic here too.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Never thought this would ever happen but it has. 

I am still wondering , who did actually check so many of my posts.

Whoever did really view my blogs and took the time to read them…… Thanx.

This notification raised up my spirits for a few moments and of course……. Inspired another post.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜Ž 

Posted in life

New place blues…

New place, new people, ………blue blue blue.

I have shifted, after working for 4.5 years at my old work place. I hate changes in life, but changes are the only permanent aspect of life they say.

The apprehensions were always there and so was the preparedness. But no matter how many armors I put on and how much I train myself, when the battle begins……. I find myself lost and all vulnerable……..fully exposed to the change……atleast for a few moments.

A change from the old to the new …..I knew it was always gonna be dramatic for me. At times it feels like crossing a stilt bridge with a horrendous river flowing below. The place I leave behind seems to be crumbling down with no choice of a return…..the past lost behind. And the place ahead is hidden behind rocks……the future unknown. All I hold on to is the bridge ……which weakly stands linking the past to the future. All I can do right now is to keep moving ……..One step at a time…..Just hoping I reach the other end and find some place to hold on to.

Until then I guess I’ll be blue blue blue πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡.

Posted in blogging, life, spiritual

Quo vadis ??

I hate being on the crossroads…..

I hate having too many options open to me……

 I hate when the ball is in my court….

I hate to choose……

Right now I am in a dilemma over my next job. One place seemed appeasing but is way too far, while the next place is not so appeasing but much closer. What’s my priority?? Where would I want to go???? ………..I don’t know.

I kept praying all these days asking God to give me the grace to accept whatever he chose for me. Finally today the faraway job calls up…… Would you like to join?? ……I am in dilemma. I am having my reservations. In a way I am trying to back out I know…..I am searching for all reasons to support my stand too.

A friend finally mentions a saying with regards to St. Peter……Quo vadis??? The  friend presumed I knew about it. Well I didn’t.

In a state of dilemma, I am always in search of reasons to distract myself……so I immediately googled for Quo vadis?. And this is what I found.

Quo vadis?? In classical Latin means “Where are you going??”. Well According to the apocryphal Acts of Peter, Peter was fleeing away from Rome because he was likely to be crucified in Rome at the hands of the government. As he was fleeing, along the road outside the city he met Jesus. Peter surprised to see Jesus asks “quo vadis domine??” ( Where are you going Lord??). To which Jesus replies “Romam eo iterum crucified” ( I am going to Rome to be crucified again).

Peter is transformed on hearing the response and he thereby gained the courage to continue his ministry by returning back to the city. He eventually was martyred by being crucified upside-down.

So what’s here for me????

Am I like Peter running away from my cross??

Have I allowed my faith to dwindle so much??

In today’s morning homily the priest quoted “where faith ends… Anxiety begins, and where anxiety ends faith begins“.

Faith is not …’Seeing is believing’…..Rather faith is ‘Believing is seeing

I am still in a state of dilemma, the mind and heart against each other. The next 24hrs are gonna be critical 😁. All you regular readers of my blog, might have to keep your fingers crossed and watch out for the heart trace monitor.

I hope to survive, I hope to fall the path meant for me with faith and spirit. 

If I meet God I would want to say “domine: ego venio” ( Lord, I am coming).πŸ™πŸ™πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡

Posted in Random thoughts

The freak accident

Yesterday as I jotted down the memories of our All India Lift Association (AILA) , the memories of another incident flashed back through my mind.

During the AILA days it so happened that one fine day no passerbys were ready to offer us 4 ladies a lift. After waiting for long, it began getting dark and we surely didn’t want to spend the night on the highway waiting for a lift (I am sure we would scare the hell out of people, who would mistaken us to be ghostsπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚)

So we gave up, but we were determined not to travel by the public transport buses. We checked out our next option…..the private inter state buses. 

One of the inter state bus named Seabird appeared and we stopped it and got in. It was an AC bus with comfortable push back seats ( something better than our local buses). The seats on either sides of the buses were raised up at a height, with a narrow passage between them. 

The 4 of us managed to find some empty seats for ourselves and we settled down. The entire trip upto margao was peaceful, comfortable and uneventful. 

Finally after an hour we reached Margao. As the bus approached the bus terminus, the 4 of us stood up to get ready to alight the bus. Since the middle passage was narrow we had to stand in a queue one after the other. The sequence was Nims was right infront, almost into the drivers cabin. ( The exit door was through the driver era cabin). Nims was followed by Namz followed Doms and finally me.

The climax: we were standing and patiently waiting for the bus to halt so that we could get down. But in the next moment disaster struck. All of a sudden somebody appeared infront of the bus and as a reflex the driver just pushed the brakes. The 4 of us, not expecting this sudden jerk were caught unaware…….And we fell ………Fell like a pack of cards. Jolta on Doms on Namz on Nims.

The entire public in the bus witnessed this downfall. Uhh what a shame 😱😱. But that was not the worst part. Since Nims was right in front she bore the brunt of the fall. The 3 of us falling one over the other, passed over our momentum to Nims, who then shot like a bullet and landed her forehead on the wind screen of the bus. 

Crackkkkkkkk………the fissures emerged instantaneously and spread out in all directions of the glass. It looked like a bullet had hit the glass.( The momentum of 4 ladies was not less than a bullet afterall). 

The  3 of us from behind immediately got up and were back on our feet, still embarrassed by our fall. But Nims was in shock, her forehead already swollen with the impact. The bus driver was in shock too. He apologized for what had happened. 

We got off the bus, Nims still in terrible pain. She contacted her parents. The 3 of us were concerned and we hoped that the injury was only superficial. We borrowed some ice from a local sugarcane juice vendor and tried to render some first aid to Nims. Finally her father reached and picked her up. The 3 of us were still in shock now. 

Doms complained of back pain for many days after the incident. Nims was not seen for almost a week. While me and Namz , I guess we were the least affected physically.

We had almost reached our destination, but within a fraction of a second things changed for the worst. That’s how life is, you can least expect what’s gonna happen next. Years have passed since that incident, and I have been involved in many other freak accidents. There is no guarantee for life.

Everytime we step out of home ,we should be praying to God for our safety and the safety of others. Things can change in a moment , we need to always be prepared.

Everytime I notice a seabird bus I still remember that day and that freak accident.