Just thought of penning this down as a tribute to myself.
As a child I used to always wonder when I would grow big. “Big” meant something like being an adult to me I guess. When I was in primary school I found all the girls in the secondary school “big”. So I thought that I would grow up when I reached secondary. Then in a couple of years I was in secondary and but I didn’t feel big. So I looked forward to the class 10 girls . They looked like real women at that time. I convinced myself that I would be big when I reached the 10th standard. But Alas! It didn’t seem to happen.
So I waited patiently for that magic to happen. Years passed …..I completed my high secondary, college, post graduation , worked for about 7 years and one fine day I looked into the mirror and realised I was 30 years !!!!!
30 years !!!!!! ……..yes that’s a lifetime. I look back and I really don’t know how I survived and made it through. But moreover I am astonished that the magic never happened. Jolta never became big. My height has increased no doubt ….I am not a dwarf for sure. But I never felt like I grew up.
Altough I have gone through much in life ….I still feel the same like the girl in primary school. You put me in a group of adults and kids. I’ll be more comfortable with the kids and surely feel out of the box with the adults. I have seen my classmates grow, get married, have kids and move on. I don’t long to be married or raise kids but ……….hmm how did I manage to preserve the child within? I don’t know.
I guess now after 30 years I should stop waiting for that magic to happen anymore. Maybe I was never meant to grow up. I am aware of the disadvantages of being a 30 year old child. Not an easy task….especially for parents. But I can’t help it 😦 ……the magic of growing big never worked on me 🙂