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Will I ……..

I promised myself , that I wouldn’t be writing serious posts for a while. Why to make life look so serious and depressing?

But I couldn’t help breaking the promise today. I guess my life is always meant to be serious, no matter how much humour I push into it. I am at a point in life where I don’t mind penning down certain aspects of my life even in public domain. No wonder I am writing so much on this blog.

I hate this part of the year because every year during the peak of the summer, I am put to test. My weaknesses all exposed, I feel the most vulnerable at this time. Just a call from a well wisher asking me why I am unable to find a job for myself and why I didn’t pursue my further studies has left me so disturbed for now.

I look back and for a few moments it makes me doubt on whether I have actually wasted my life. I can’t help stopping my mind comparing me to people who I know have acheived greater heights than me. Then I feel that hopelessness and inferiority complex creep in. It’s the time of the year where I feel that every decision I took for myself was wrong and I am the only one to blame for it. 

The next moment I try to take control. I convince myself that maybe I am exactly where I was meant to be. If not for the decisions I took I would have never met the people I have met in life. Afterall life is more about experiences and not the qualifications we have. And moreover I am the only one who lives with me, I know my weaknesses and limitations. Though to the world it might appear like she could have done this, and done that……I know how much I could actually have done.

Nobody’s gonna come and wipe the tears we silently weep. Nobody’s gonna come and sit by you in those sleepless nights when your alone facing your fears. Nobody is …….because each of us has to fight our own battle. 

But am I just trying to fool myself into believing that all is fine, when in reality nothing is? 

How I wish God had engraved on our palms his purpose for our lives. That way life would not have been a suspense story.

As I end the post I am flooded with so many doubts in my mind. 10 years from now will I be the same? Will I ever understand my purpose in life? Will I ever be proud of the person I have become? Will I ever complete my pursuit for happiness ? Will I find true meaning for life? 

Will I ever stop writing depressing posts? πŸ˜…

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Author:

Joalita .....or Jolta is just one from the crowd. And every post on this blog is one from the crowd of the random thoughts that pass her mind.

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