I hate being on the crossroads…..
I hate having too many options open to me……
I hate when the ball is in my court….
I hate to choose……
Right now I am in a dilemma over my next job. One place seemed appeasing but is way too far, while the next place is not so appeasing but much closer. What’s my priority?? Where would I want to go???? ………..I don’t know.
I kept praying all these days asking God to give me the grace to accept whatever he chose for me. Finally today the faraway job calls up…… Would you like to join?? ……I am in dilemma. I am having my reservations. In a way I am trying to back out I know…..I am searching for all reasons to support my stand too.
A friend finally mentions a saying with regards to St. Peter……Quo vadis??? The friend presumed I knew about it. Well I didn’t.
In a state of dilemma, I am always in search of reasons to distract myself……so I immediately googled for Quo vadis?. And this is what I found.
Quo vadis?? In classical Latin means “Where are you going??”. Well According to the apocryphal Acts of Peter, Peter was fleeing away from Rome because he was likely to be crucified in Rome at the hands of the government. As he was fleeing, along the road outside the city he met Jesus. Peter surprised to see Jesus asks “quo vadis domine??” ( Where are you going Lord??). To which Jesus replies “Romam eo iterum crucifigi” ( I am going to Rome to be crucified again).
Peter is transformed on hearing the response and he thereby gained the courage to continue his ministry by returning back to the city. He eventually was martyred by being crucified upside-down.
So what’s here for me????
Am I like Peter running away from my cross??
Have I allowed my faith to dwindle so much??
In today’s morning homily the priest quoted “where faith ends… Anxiety begins, and where anxiety ends faith begins“.
Faith is not …’Seeing is believing’…..Rather faith is ‘Believing is seeing‘
I am still in a state of dilemma, the mind and heart against each other. The next 24hrs are gonna be critical 😁. All you regular readers of my blog, might have to keep your fingers crossed and watch out for the heart trace monitor.
I hope to survive, I hope to fall the path meant for me with faith and spirit.
If I meet God I would want to say “domine: ego venio” ( Lord, I am coming).🙏🙏😇😇