Posted in life

Torn apart

A few days back it was all one…
The body , the soul, the head , the heart…

Today it stands all torn apart.

The body moved on, the soul stayed behind

The heart is left back , the head lost its mind… 

The agony of tearing apart, impacted every part

The head grew heavy, weaker grew the heart

The body tired with sleepless nights…

The soul still suffering with the self created plight…

Each part on its own today….

Lost for a meaning, curious for the future…

Hoping that …..Someday it all could be one again.

Just like it was…Before it was torn apart.

Posted in life

Joining the dots….

I am suddenly in a new phase of life, subjected to new changes. The moment I got some time for myself , I began introspecting over my past.

I tried to see a connection between events of the past. I tried joining them like dots hoping to figure out a pattern. A pattern which would probably help me predict my future. In math it would be something like extrapolation.

One dot led to another and then another, to form a pattern. But each pattern seemed to look unique. None did seem to repeat. So none could be applied to find my future.

Why am I so obsessed with the future, I asked myself ?

If I knew what was to be , could I even call it the future?

From when did I become so wise to know how my future ought to be? I don’t even know if I’ll survive this night 😁.

As a normal practice of mine, I googled for some ‘joining the dots’ quotes and I found one …….By Steve Jobs.

Don’t know about destiny, life, karma or whatever…….But I do know a God, in whom I better rest my future….my dots.

I guess I need to trust that He would place the dots exactly where they’re meant to be. And finally when all the dots get joined, I’ll see the best pattern, something beyond my expectations.

All I need is to trust and let the dots be ……………………………………………………😁

Posted in life, Random thoughts

Observations> views>beliefs

There is this group of liquids that I have right from childhood associated with something evil. I don’t exactly know the genesis of this association, but till date it’s stuck in my mind. 

Over the years I have watched, I have observed, I have reasoned and I have concluded that although my views may be very conservative ……I have reasons to still hold to them.

It’s very simple ………..when you have a bad experience in life, everything related to it gets associated with the bad memory. 

I observed some of my own relatives (man and women) on a drunkard binge, feeling high and happy about their intoxicated state, while on the other side the concerned mother stood helpless and the wife cursed her fate and cried. The worst was the little kids, who watched it all ……learnt and understood the power of a drink. My relatives as humans were not bad  …….but it all started with one drink.

My mother narrated her experiences in the hospital attending to patients suffering from liver cirrhosis. Tied to the bed, in a state of withdrawal the patients would yearn for their drink and fire abuses to their helpless family. None of the patients would want to be in such a state………But it all started with one drink.

A father asking his preadolescent son to carry his glass of liquor ………that according to me is disrespecting the child. Parents love their children ………..but they can keep them aside for just one drink.

I was shocked to find a group of my own teenage students in a bar one day, smoking and drinking royally. I confronted them , thinking they would be ashamed…….They didn’t bat an eyelid. I didn’t notice a trace of shame anywhere on their being. Probably they learnt it all at home. Looking at them assured me that the doom of our society was near. They were no longer kids, they had grown into proud immatured adult ……….It must have all started with one drink.

It all starts with a drink…..

One sip…….

At a party, at a function, at home….at a bar, at college……. Wherever.

The drink has many sides to it. To many who earn their bread and butter from its sale, it is nothing less than a blessing. To some it is an integral part of their celebration life. But for many it spells a doom……a curse. And unfortunately for me I have seen more of the last side. My experiences have ended up shaping my views. And my views have shaped my beliefs. 

And my belief are here to stay. I hope that over the years things change, and people stop associating the drink with something bad.

Posted in life

Terrific Traffic 😎

I guess my blog is become my shadow…..

What does a shadow do? Well it follows you……It copies you.

I have changed my work place ……as a result I had to change my driving route

An additional 20 kms more through heavy traffic and signals


So, I am off blogging for 2 days and on the 3rd day I get a notification ……a new one…..a first of its kind……

Boom!!!!!! Traffic here too.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Never thought this would ever happen but it has. 

I am still wondering , who did actually check so many of my posts.

Whoever did really view my blogs and took the time to read them…… Thanx.

This notification raised up my spirits for a few moments and of course……. Inspired another post.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜Ž 

Posted in life

New place blues…

New place, new people, ………blue blue blue.

I have shifted, after working for 4.5 years at my old work place. I hate changes in life, but changes are the only permanent aspect of life they say.

The apprehensions were always there and so was the preparedness. But no matter how many armors I put on and how much I train myself, when the battle begins……. I find myself lost and all vulnerable……..fully exposed to the change……atleast for a few moments.

A change from the old to the new …..I knew it was always gonna be dramatic for me. At times it feels like crossing a stilt bridge with a horrendous river flowing below. The place I leave behind seems to be crumbling down with no choice of a return…..the past lost behind. And the place ahead is hidden behind rocks……the future unknown. All I hold on to is the bridge ……which weakly stands linking the past to the future. All I can do right now is to keep moving ……..One step at a time…..Just hoping I reach the other end and find some place to hold on to.

Until then I guess I’ll be blue blue blue πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡.

Posted in blogging, life, spiritual

Quo vadis ??

I hate being on the crossroads…..

I hate having too many options open to me……

 I hate when the ball is in my court….

I hate to choose……

Right now I am in a dilemma over my next job. One place seemed appeasing but is way too far, while the next place is not so appeasing but much closer. What’s my priority?? Where would I want to go???? ………..I don’t know.

I kept praying all these days asking God to give me the grace to accept whatever he chose for me. Finally today the faraway job calls up…… Would you like to join?? ……I am in dilemma. I am having my reservations. In a way I am trying to back out I know…..I am searching for all reasons to support my stand too.

A friend finally mentions a saying with regards to St. Peter……Quo vadis??? The  friend presumed I knew about it. Well I didn’t.

In a state of dilemma, I am always in search of reasons to distract myself……so I immediately googled for Quo vadis?. And this is what I found.

Quo vadis?? In classical Latin means “Where are you going??”. Well According to the apocryphal Acts of Peter, Peter was fleeing away from Rome because he was likely to be crucified in Rome at the hands of the government. As he was fleeing, along the road outside the city he met Jesus. Peter surprised to see Jesus asks “quo vadis domine??” ( Where are you going Lord??). To which Jesus replies “Romam eo iterum crucified” ( I am going to Rome to be crucified again).

Peter is transformed on hearing the response and he thereby gained the courage to continue his ministry by returning back to the city. He eventually was martyred by being crucified upside-down.

So what’s here for me????

Am I like Peter running away from my cross??

Have I allowed my faith to dwindle so much??

In today’s morning homily the priest quoted “where faith ends… Anxiety begins, and where anxiety ends faith begins“.

Faith is not …’Seeing is believing’…..Rather faith is ‘Believing is seeing

I am still in a state of dilemma, the mind and heart against each other. The next 24hrs are gonna be critical 😁. All you regular readers of my blog, might have to keep your fingers crossed and watch out for the heart trace monitor.

I hope to survive, I hope to fall the path meant for me with faith and spirit. 

If I meet God I would want to say “domine: ego venio” ( Lord, I am coming).πŸ™πŸ™πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡

Posted in life, travel

AILA…..Some happy memories

A search for some old photographs led me to some of my old Web albums, which in turn led me to some other pics that revived some old happy memories that were lost in some corner of my mind.

Somewhere in the year 2010 to 2011 I happened to be working for an Oceanagrahic institute. Although my job didn’t have much to do with my specialized subject, I didn’t mind doing it because it was something new, interesting at times and moreover I enjoyed the company of people at the Institute.

The best part of that year are the memories of our adventures back home from the Institute. We were a bunch of 3 females which later grew up to maybe 5 or 6, thanks to the success rate of the group.

Well after a whole days work,  we ladies had to travel back home which was almost a 1 hr distance. Now imagine your self tired and then squeezed up like a sardine in a bus packed with mackerels…(oops I meant men😁😁). Sometimes it felt like a concentration camp, where you were forced to breathe in different smells of perspiration coming from varied sources. The worst would be in the rains……even if you entered the bus dry, there was no guarantee you would be dry when you exited. In our side of the world the Monsoons can be so intense at times, that it practically rains inside the bus.

So that was it ……We ladies had enough reasons not to be commuting on the otherwise considered safe public transport. We rather risked our lives with a few strangers than going through the ordeal of the public transport. So we began Hitching hiking. And mind you in a couple of months we were experts at the trade πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚.

We formed are self into an association named….All India Lift Association (AILA) and Namz was the appointed the president. The other 3 regular members being Doms, Deeps and Jolta. We had our own set of rules and responsibilities were distributed amongst us.

Our location was a mango tree, a couple of metres ahead of the bus stop. We ladies would align ourselves in a line, stretch our hands out and start our business. Many factors were considered before hitching. Our requirements were based on the group strength. If we were just 3 of us….Then small cars like alto, Maruti 800 would do, a bigger group would require something like an i20, Innova etc.

Then came safety….Now we ladies though desperate to get home, we wouldn’t always compromise with safety. Firstly we would prefer a lady driver ( which very rarely happened). Infact many lady drivers would just pass us by with an stare as though saying…”look at these girls risking their lives for a free ride…. And then they cry that they were attacked ??”. 

Next we checked the registration of the car, we only went for local cars. It’s a myth though that locals are safer than outsiders. Nevertheless we stuck to rule except for a few occasions where we did stop some outsiders.

The moment the car stopped, one of us would have to make the deal with the driver. “Where are you headed to? Can you please take us along?” If it was a cab then it was the bargaining job…..”How much?? Too much ??” Etc etc. Now during the conversation we had to quickly scan the vehicle, the driver and decide whether it was safe. If the majority of the group found the situation unsafe…..then the deal was dropped. How?? Simple……😁

Us:…..Where are you headed??

Driver:… Margao…..( Scan result >> unsafe,to scary, drop the deal)

Us: …Oh sorry we’re headed to Vasco.😁😁😁

We would just change our location. 

If everything looked safe we agreed on the deal, but the next dilemma was, who would sit next to the driver??? Now if it happened to be a handsome guy, then all of us would shy away πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ ( making the dude feel even more great). If it was a not so handsome type or an uncle type then we were not so reluctant.

Initially we were a little hesitant about what we were doing. The crime rate against women was not a new issue afterall. But with time we grew bolder and damn shameless 😁. 

Finally are endeavors took us through various experiences. We travelled through many cars which ranged from the humble Maruti 800 to the posh BMW 😎. ….. Believe me it’s true.

We experienced various personalities. Some would not utter a word through the entire journey…..and in order to maintain the silence, we group members would be talking in whispers. Then you had the other extreme that would enjoy chattering throughout the entire journey. I hated when we were interviewed to details….Where are ull from?…. Where are you’ll working? ….. Qualification?…… Surname?…… Salary?……Uhh 😡😡. Those are the only times I used to regret taking the lift.

There were times when we used to get certain vibes which made us feel unsafe along the trip. In such situations we had another plan. One of us would pretend to call up her brother on the pretext of asking him to wait for her and in turn she would kind of update him about our exact location, description of the car, registration number if known etc. This natak was done hope that any vested interest in the mind of the driver would be dampened.😎😎

Today I know how to drive and although not many people have asked me for a lift. …..I have on many occasions given people a lift (90β„… only ladies). And I do understand the risk involved in both taking a lift and offering one. But at times you can’t help it.

I miss those days, those trips, I miss my buddies ….The AILA ladies. Every time I pass that mango tree on the highway, I  still notice some girls (and boys too) hitching and at once it brings back memories of the past. 

I wish our juniors good luck….Just remember be safe. 😁

AILA was also a classic example of how women can face great challenges, if they work together.

Here is an old post written by our AILA president, many years back which I came across yesterday. It’s a very funny one. A must read if you’ve read through my crap πŸ˜πŸ˜‚.
Until then long live the memories of our sweet AILA .