Posted in blogging, life, spiritual

Quo vadis ??

I hate being on the crossroads…..

I hate having too many options open to me……

 I hate when the ball is in my court….

I hate to choose……

Right now I am in a dilemma over my next job. One place seemed appeasing but is way too far, while the next place is not so appeasing but much closer. What’s my priority?? Where would I want to go???? ………..I don’t know.

I kept praying all these days asking God to give me the grace to accept whatever he chose for me. Finally today the faraway job calls up…… Would you like to join?? ……I am in dilemma. I am having my reservations. In a way I am trying to back out I know…..I am searching for all reasons to support my stand too.

A friend finally mentions a saying with regards to St. Peter……Quo vadis??? The  friend presumed I knew about it. Well I didn’t.

In a state of dilemma, I am always in search of reasons to distract myself……so I immediately googled for Quo vadis?. And this is what I found.

Quo vadis?? In classical Latin means “Where are you going??”. Well According to the apocryphal Acts of Peter, Peter was fleeing away from Rome because he was likely to be crucified in Rome at the hands of the government. As he was fleeing, along the road outside the city he met Jesus. Peter surprised to see Jesus asks “quo vadis domine??” ( Where are you going Lord??). To which Jesus replies “Romam eo iterum crucified” ( I am going to Rome to be crucified again).

Peter is transformed on hearing the response and he thereby gained the courage to continue his ministry by returning back to the city. He eventually was martyred by being crucified upside-down.

So what’s here for me????

Am I like Peter running away from my cross??

Have I allowed my faith to dwindle so much??

In today’s morning homily the priest quoted “where faith ends… Anxiety begins, and where anxiety ends faith begins“.

Faith is not …’Seeing is believing’…..Rather faith is ‘Believing is seeing

I am still in a state of dilemma, the mind and heart against each other. The next 24hrs are gonna be critical 😁. All you regular readers of my blog, might have to keep your fingers crossed and watch out for the heart trace monitor.

I hope to survive, I hope to fall the path meant for me with faith and spirit. 

If I meet God I would want to say “domine: ego venio” ( Lord, I am coming).🙏🙏😇😇

Posted in God, life, spiritual

Examination of Conscience

I am really learning to pay attention to Sunday sermons. Today happens to be the 6th Sunday of the Easter season. And we are getting ready for the Ascension of Jesus into heaven.

Jesus promises us to forever be with us and guide us by giving us the gift of the Spirit. 

During confirmation we were taught that the Holy Spirit comes over us with 7 gifts. Wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety and fear of the Lord.

Just because Jesus promises the spirit upon us …… Doesn’t mean that the 7 gifts will fall upon us. The gifts will be given to only those who are worthy. Hence we need to make ourselves worthy.

Out of the 7 gifts wisdom or discernment is a very important gift. In very moment of our lives we are faced with choices, which we need to make. And most of the times we find it difficult. 

In context with the same the priest put forth a simple 4 step procedure to follow to help us gain the gift of discernment. The method is called ‘The examination of Conscience

1. Go in the presence of God, humble yourself infront of Him and be aware of His presence.

2. Thank God for what you had, you have and will have in life.

3. Ask for forgiveness for the faults done.

4. Ask Him to guide you and help you discern at every moment of your life.

Discernment ……a very important gift. Specially in times today where each one of us are quick on passing judgements on others. We were never asked to judge others , we were only asked to know the difference between the good and bad , take the courage to stand by the good ……and to have the serenity to accept what we can’t change.

I pray for myself and for all that we realise that we have a long way to go in making ourselves worthy of the gifts of the Holy Spirit. May the Spirit itself guide us into Him.

Have a blessed week ahead ……

Posted in blogging, God, life, spiritual

The invisible string

Man is in a constant quest to find answers to the unknown. How did the universe come into being? Where did man come from? Where do we go after we die? …………. And in this quest of the unknown man created his own answers…..his own theories. Some answers put the growing quest for the unknown to rest, while some didn’t manage to kill all the doubts. Nevertheless man didnt give up on postulating  theories to explain the unknown.

Last Sunday I had the privilege of listening to a beautiful homily put up by a priest. Since it was the feast of The Divine Mercy, the theme was based on the mercy of God. He narrated an incident about a family in a parish he served earlier. The catholic family comprising of 3 members refused to be a part of the community Church…..In the sense they would attend Church services only for 4 occasions in a year. The priest, for almost 2 years tried his level best to get them back to the church. But finally he got transferred to another parish. Before he left he visited the same family and spoke to them saying that he was extremely saddened that inspite of all his efforts he was unable to get them back to the Church. So he had finally layed down his arms but as a parting gift he told them a story that his father had told them as kids. 

The story or theory goes out saying that when we are born God ties an invisible cord/ string to are feet .  The other end of the cord lies in the hands of God. As we grow up we begin running (running away from good) and God starts letting the string lose. The further we move, the more he leaves. Finally a day comes when God decides to stop! Enough is enough. And then he pulls the chord…….And  at times he really pulls hard. So hard that our fall is inevitable. 

Finally that’s exactly what happened to the father of that family. He was hit by some sickness. It’s only then, that the family turned back to God and transformed their lives.

The homily ended but it left my mind with imaginative thoughts of the invisible cord. What a beautiful concept 😘 On coming home I checked my feet and toes for any traces of the invisible string. Alas ! I didn’t find any. (It’s invisible afterall…..Jolta) 

So beautiful to imagine God and us linked together with a cord. I wish I could practically see it. In times of distress I would have surely pulled it hard to draw God’s attention to me.( I know that would never be required tough). 

I googled the net to check whether this theory existed. All I found was some Chinese belief that God unites 2 people on earth with an invisible red string. So if 2 people are meant to be together, they would be….Thanks to the red string. Again a theory to explain the unknown.

There was another theory close to the invisible cord theory, that said that whenever we sin the cord breaks . But God joins it together by a knot. And every time a knot is tied the cord is shortened and we are drawn closer to God.

Many theories……..But I am amused by the theory of the invisible cord. I can only hope that although just a myth this theory may actually be true. 

I hope that I never run too far.

I hope that if I am pulled I fall ….And when I fall, he holds me. Until then I’ll be satisfied with this theory of the cord.

Me and my Lord …..bound by an invisible cord…

Posted in blogging, life, Random thoughts, spiritual

Letting go ….

As a kid I remember coming across the teachings of Lord Buddha in our history curriculum. One of those teachings that provoked my thoughts was……..” The root of suffering ——>DESIRE”.

As humans there is so much we desire …..we desire good health, wealth, a job, a spouse, wonderful friends……… infinity. The proportion of what we desire for our needs, is very very much less than what we desire for our greed.

Taking my own self as an example, I can honestly say that there is a lot I have desired in the past and maybe there is a lot that I still desire. And to a great extent I would agree, that it might be a cause to my sufferings. 

Many a times God puts us to the test by granting us the things we desire. Now you might wonder that, If he grants us our desires, than how does that become a test?

Well after granting our desires…..And almost taking us to cloud 9………God suddenly decides to have fun😎. It’s like a roller coaster ride. No sooner you reach the heighest point, the downfall begins. So after granting our desires, God will ask them back. And what does he expect from us?……simple………”just let go”.

“Letting go”, simple as it sounds, it’s the hardest thing to do at times. What do we let go off in life? Many things …..from small things like your favorite dress, your phone…..to a little higher level, like your pet cat, your car, your job……to the most hardest things to give up, like your friends and your dear ones. There’s a lot to let go in life……And no wonder life is so difficult at times. Little do we get used to something or someone and it’s time to change. Nothing remains the same they say….Only Change is constant. And one can only change easily when we don’t hold on to anything or anyone.

One of the main fear of letting go,  is the strong and wrong belief we have, that what we hold on to, is the best for us. At times we feel we are wiser than God, to know what’s best for us. Are we really? 😁

So I’ll end this post, hoping that I and even you my reader….May have the wisdom to know what we need to let go in life and the courage to let go off….. 

Let go off things not required in life….

Let go off people meant to go….

Let go off emotions that make us bitter…

And ………Let in God 

Letting go….Hard as it may seem….It’s the best thing to do today. 

Posted in blogging, God, life, spiritual

David ……the sheperd King

A couple of Sundays back a reading from the Sunday Mass was based on one of the most great and contraversial characters from the Holy Bible ……David. The reading spoke about how God sent  the prophet Samuel to anoint David as his chosen King.

A close look at the life of David, and we would realise that here was a man, who altough was a humble sheperd, still God entrusted him with power and greatness. Here was a man who struggled between good and evil but yet always tried to please God. I am trying to summarize a few aspects of Davids life that I got to know about on reading a book based on him.

David the son…..

David was the youngest of his siblings. Hence he is said to have suffered from the rejection of his father and older brothers. Even after his anointment they would have preferred him to stay back and tend to the sheep rather than him becoming a king. 

But God had other plans, for as St. Paul says ” …… God has chosen the weak to shame the strong…..”

David the Giant killer

Everybody knows the story of David and Goliath. Killing Goliath was a matter of skill. David had faced fierce bears and lions in the wild as a sheperd. He trusted his skill…… Unfortunately he was the only one that did. Eliab, Davids older brother was angered seeing David at the frontline. Even King Saul felt he was too weak. 

In challenging Goliath, David did not crave for victory, nor did he crave for fame. He just wanted to protect what belonged to God.

It was not Goliath that David feared ……It was his own people……The people that didn’t trust him , neither encouraged him………..But David trusted his God, for no giant is bigger than God. 

David the friend

Heard of Johnathan? King Saul’s son and David’s best friend. Jonathan was next in the line to be a king, to succeed his father in the monarchy.  But when he learned that his trusted friend David had been anointed by God, he willing submitted to the will of God. 

David on the other hand was caught up in the middle, between Jonathan’s love and Saul’s hate. Jonathan helped David escape his father’s wrath. Jonathan and King Saul lost their lives at the battle with the Philistines. For David the loss of his dearest friend was like a spear through his heart. It was another pain he had to accept for the will of God.

David the King in making

So David was anointed to be the next King. But the Kingship would not be his so easily. Afterall God sends his chosen Kings through the greatest trials . King Saul was chosen by God himself to look over his people. Saul had most of the qualities of a king…He had the gift of prophecy, powerful leadership and a lot more. But he had a flaw……..He saw the kingdom as belonging to himself and not God. Saul became self deceived. And soon the spirit of God left him. 

When Saul learned that David was to be the next chosen King….he was filled with anger, envy and insecurity. 

Saul grasped for the kingdom but eventually God caused it to slip away, while David refused to grasp it and it was given to him in God’s time.

David the sinner

We all know about Davids greatest sin. No one would ever expect God’s chosen one to end up in such a mess……But he did. He lured a women to bed and then tried to cover his sin. And even worse he got her husband killed at the frontline. How evil !!!!! We all as humans struggle between sexual fantasies, lust and temptations. In a world obsessed with sensuality, it is increasingly easy to fall into Satan’s trap.

God gives us powerful passions and expects us to control them as a test of our loyalty. For David it seemed like fighting Goliath was much easier than fighting his lustful desires. He committed the sin and then tried to cover up. In all this mess David did forget that he couldn’t have fooled God. 

God finally sent prophet Nathan to warn and rebuke David about his sin. What did David do?

David repented, he asked God for forgiveness. Even though his repentance could not change the judgement God meted out to him, he was freed from a polluted conscience.He and God could once again be in fellowship. David is an example of how vulnerable we are to evil as humans. But God in his kindness still frees us from our sin, when we repent.

David the father

David had greatness entrusted upon him. He was a great warrior, a great musician and a great king. Unfortunately David couldn’t be a good husband nor a good father. His wives it is said were unhappy with his favoritism. While his sons were undisciplined, disloyal and rebellious.

Davids sin had invited God’s fury on him. Altough his sin was forgiven by God, it paralyzed his family relationships. The sin David committed dragged on to his children. Amnon, Tamar and her brother Absolam, Adonijah are few of the children mentioned in the Bible. David watched like a helpless father the sins and the infighting amongst his children. David the great warrior was now a passive father. And sadly the weakness of a father is often passed on to the children. Sometimes God crushes his loved ones to make up for their sins.

David the dying King

Life till the end was difficult for David. In his sunset years David had to witness a lot…..A civil war within his kingdom, revolt by his eldest son Adonijah, a plague sent by God as a punishment for numbering his people and a lot more. Though David had often failed, he did not die a failure. He maintained his fellowship with God to the end. 

To paraphrase the words on an observatory in Pittsburgh. ” David loved the stars too fondly to be afraid of the night. Then David, with his God, slipped into the night”.

David was finally fulfilled as his soul returned to God.

All there is , is David and his Lord. A sheep and his Sheperd…….

The Lord himself exclaimed as David’s epitaph “David my servant”. What more could a shepherd boy have asked for.

Epilogue: Davids life demonstrates…

  • How spiritual growth happens in hard times
  • How doing God’s will is not always peaceful
  • How God expects us to endure struggles with patience
  • How even with big failures we can remain ” a man of God’s own heart”

Many extracts in this post are taken from the book “Growing through conflict” by Erwin W. Lutzer


Posted in God, lent, life, spiritual

God became man…..

God became man …….

Yes he did. And man not only in looks, but man in whole totallity. A man who would love with all his heart …..and who would also want to be loved.

A man who wouldn’t want to hate anybody…..but would not spare his anger seeing the temple turned into a market place.

A man so brave …..that he could face the insults, the condemnation, the betrayal and finally……..the cross.

But above all…..he was man ……man so vulnerable, man so overwhelmed with fear ……..man so broken down by pain …..a man so weak.

How much more human could God have been ? 

Those moments at the garden of Gethsemane …… lonely he stood amongst a group of so many. 

The knowledge of being God himself ……not enough to wade away the surmounting fear in the heart.

Human as he was ……he cried……

Humble as he was …..he pleaded…. “father if you be willing, then take away this cup from me, but”…….

Broken as he was…..he still gathered a little strength to go on ……… “but may your will be done and not mine.”

How much more human, could God have been?

As I recall the entire scene of the Passion of Christ ……what strikes me the most is not the fact that he died on the cross. What big deal for God to die on a cross afterall ? He was like a magician all his life. He multiplied bread , cured the sick and even raised some from the dead. So couldn’t he have just played a fool on the cross.

Sarcastic as I may sound……it is what anybody would have thought. And that is where the garden of Gethsemane comes in.

He was God ……but he chose to become Man. Man in all totality. A human, as human as you and me. 

There was no added advantage of being God left anymore. Fear , anxiety , pain …he went through it all. 

God died on the cross …. that’s the half told story. God became MAN and died on the cross ….that’s the full version.

Everytime I recall the agony at the garden of Gethsemane …..I am reassured that my God cares. My God cares because he feels pain , he feels anxiety , he feels fear …..Just like you and me.

I am reassured that after reaching our lowest point…..we would still be able to rise up from our fears and our pain ……..because he cares. 

How much more human could God have been? 

Have a blessed Lent .